A little bit of finality
So, I now have a little bit of finality to one of my personal situations. A final divorce judgment was entered for my marriage today, despite my fight against it. I am left without health care or any hope for reconciliation. It is well beyond time to let go. It’s just that you still have that hope when you are still officially married.
So, what can I come out of this thinking? This is definitely the most difficult thing that I have ever dealt with in my life, and I would wish it on no one else. I wholly gave my heart and soul to a man, only to have it shoved back in my face in the end. Still, in order to heal, I am going to have to stay positive and pull the lessons out of this ordeal. The two things that I have to keep in mind are these:
- I did not go down without a fight. I exhausted all resources that I could think of, even to the final minutes (I’m talking at the courthouse, right before the judgment was entered), not only to fight for the insurance, but to fight for my marriage in general. I can rest, and hopefully live comfortably, knowing that I tried and gave it my all.
- God has something that much better for me, and the thought of that is exciting. God has a plan for all of us. Ultimately, it must be that His plan for me does not include me being married to this man. All that I can do is go with it and wait for my blessing, whatever it may be.
So, these are the two things that I am going to try to remind myself of to get through the grief and pain. While I have been able to think of this today, tomorrow, I may be overcome with tears. Some days will be better than others, but that’s life.
In the meantime, I say “Goodbye” to this stage of my life with a picture and a list of sad songs that the five rules of divorce recovery do not allow me to actually listen to if I want to get over this:
A short selection of sad songs (because I could list them just from my own personal collection for days. lol):
The One I Gave My Heart To by Aaliyah
End of the Road by Boyz II Men
Brokenhearted by Brandy (even better if it’s the Soulpower mix with Wanya)
I Don’t Wanna Cry by Mariah Carey
We Can’t Be Friends by Deborah Cox (featuring R.L. of Next)
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart? by Al Green
There’s No Easy Way by James Ingram
One Last Cry by Brian McKnight
Unbelievable by Tracie Spencer
Lucky Her by Lil Mo
A House Is Not a Home by Luther Vandross
Where Will You Go by Babyface
I Can’t Make U Love Me by Prince
Why Don’t You Love Me by Beyoncé (“…maybe you’re just not the one, or maybe you’re just plain…dumb”…hmm) 
Like I said, I could go on forever, so, as Andrew Lincoln’s character (Mark) said in Love Actually…”Enough. Enough now.”
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