I love Dominoes…
…but not always the domino effect. I love the game of dominoes. This is a love that I got from my father. I can be entertained for hours playing dominoes. I do not mean the match the numbers kind, but the kind with score. I do not so much like the domino effect, though, especially when it involves a series of negative events in my life.
As I have been saying, things are going on in my life. One bad thing after another keeps happening to me. It all started with two very stressful and related personal events. Then I lost two contracts in two weeks.
Last week they ended my contract at my marketing job. There was supposed to be the possiblity of the job becoming permanent, but with all the downsizing happening at one of the related parent companies, there was a hiring freeze, and they were not able to make a new, permanent position. I am not sure I would have gotten the postion anyway because I found out that the other person that started with me with a similar contract and promise was a non-blood relative of my boss.
The second contract, I lost just yesterday. It was abrupt and unexpected. At 8am, they were asking me to do some work. At three, they had suspended the whole project and cancelled the entire six or seven person team.
In both cases, I was at least told that my work was excellent. I guess that counts for something. It is still disheartening, though, especially in the wake of other issues with which I am dealing.
I have to talked to my mother about the things that have been happening. We have even discussed the possiblity that I am being punished for some of the choices that I have made in life. My mother does not think this is so. She says that it is just a test of faith. Well, it then is a test that I refuse to fail. I am a firm believer in “things happen for a reason.” I know that God has a plan for me and is cooking up something big. My struggle is knowing what it is and which way to go. Basically, I am constantly praying for guidance, so that I do what I am supposed to do, and so that I do not go against the plan.
In the meantime, I am just trying to take the positives out of these negative events. From the two personal events, I have had the opportunity to examine myself and I have decided to make conscious efforts to improve my whole self piece by piece. The loss of the first contract has allowed me distance from a person who is deeply hurting me, not to mention disappointing me.
Losing the second contract has given me more time. I have found that part of the assignments were not as organized as I had hoped. I spent a lot of time figuring out what I was suppposed to be doing instead of actually doing it. I lost a lot of precious time that I could have been using for something else that way.
I am also trying to focus on other positives in my life. 1) My family, particularly my parents, has tried to support me emotionally as best as they can throughout these changes, and I think that this has brought me a little closer to them. 2) Financially, I am still okay. I still have two other jobs and they pay well enough. I also have some money saved up for emergencies, too. 3) It looks like I will be getting retro pay from one of the jobs this month. Instead of getting the two week paycheck that I am used to in January and August, I will probably get a ridiculously large paycheck that I can mostly save. 4) This is a three pay period month, so I still have another paycheck coming from the second job, as well as funds to still be paid for both cancelled contracts. 5) This all gives me time to focus on other things. Now I just have to make the best use of this time with which I have been blessed.
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